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A Mockery Of The Genre

by XsaladcrusherX

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XsaladcrusherX is the product of billions of years of cosmic and biological evolution.
The Big Bang, at the very dawn of time and existence, has ultimately led to the unbearable trash magnetically bound to the film contained within this cassette tape.
We are the end result.



released March 17, 2017




DICKCRUSH RECORDS Rockford, Illinois

Dickcrush Records is a DIY label from Rockford, Illinois.
Turning grind, powerviolence, noise, and everything in between into a stupid joke since 2012.

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Track Name: Shut Up You Anus
This stopped being fun like a year ago
Such a chore, making music
Nothing's fresh, all the same shit
XsaladcrusherX feels like a job
No longer excited by
The prospect of making this trash
Where'd the joy go?
Track Name: Hygiene Is A Chore And An Inconvenience
Fuck showering fuck shaving
Fuck brushing fuck wiping
Let me live in filth
More time to give my life
to internet and false grind
Track Name: Justifying Stupid And Reckless Behavior By Saying "Animals Do It; It's Natural" Is Fucking Stupid
You operate at a higher realm of thought
You're capable of understanding why what you're doing is stupid
Otters rape baby seals until they die
Chimps wage war over land and eat the dead
You're evolutionarily superior, dawg
Get your shit together and don't act so fucking dumb
Track Name: Shave Your Dreads, Asshole
You look like hell
Your (Razors thrown)
Hair (at your head)
Is (I want to shave)
Dumb (Your stupid dreads)
I know you
And your kind
Piece of shit
Fuck you, guy
Track Name: Fuck Neckbeard Atheist Nerds
So we went to the movies the other day
Saw that new Dragon Ball Z flick
Taylor brought some booze
Was gonna be a blast
Goddamn nerds
Crawling through the woodwork
Like socially inept termites
Who the fuck claps and cheers
While a movie's playing
Fuck nerds kill em all
Track Name: Play This One Backwards
Bark bark bark
Woof woof woof
It's right here
Hidden message
We hid a dick joke in this song
Play this one backwards at one quarter speed
Track Name: This Bathroom Smells Like That Bedding Stuff For Hamster Cages
Gonna drop a dump
Open the door
Unfamiliar smell
It's not poop it's bedding
I bet that guy brought his hamster in the bathroom to put it in his ass
Fucking gross dude
Track Name: Fat Cop
Heaving just from leaving your car
Huff and puff as you demand my ID
Whatever dude, I can afford a ticket
Can you afford a heart attack?
Lose weight, fat cop
Track Name: Fucking A Toy Horse
Yo I watched a gif of you
You were holding a My Little Pony toy
That had a fleshlight crammed into it
You fucked this thing
It's not enough that you're fat and lonely?
You have to be borderline insane too?
This is why you don't have a girlfriend
Because you're a disgusting creep
What the fuck man
Track Name: You Buffer
Loading at snail's pace
Graphic spins endlessly
Refresh no progress
What am I paying for?
Buffer Trauma
I can't sit here all day
I have work tonight
You buffer, but why?
Buffer Trauma
Thanks, Obama
Track Name: Hey Dom
Hey Dom, thanks for the tapes
Hey Dom, thanks for the records
Hey Dom, thanks for the eggs
Hey Dom, thanks for the peppers
Track Name: Fuck Sports Fans
If you like to watch sports, fuck you
Sit on the couch with your pizza
Grease dripping on your shirt
Bed sores on your ass
Cheese enveloping your brain
Yelling at the sportsball
You're crying and yelling
About a game you're not even playing
Track Name: Defender Of The Ditch
Stalking the highway
I crawl through the brush
Lurking in tall grass
Inches from the shoulder
I lie in wait
Your truck cometh
Window rolled down
Wrapper in hand
Like a coiled viper I strike
Leaping through the window
Screech like a condor
Ripping you to shreds
I am justice
I bring the hurt
Fuck litter bugs
I'll kick your ass
Track Name: Dr. Dunlap's Customer Appreciation BBQ
Who's Dr. Dunlap and do you trust him
To thoroughly cook that meat?
If he really gave a fart
About his customers
He'd have like tacos and spring rolls
And shit fuck your BB
Track Name: Death Cult
Type faster (Reassure your followers)
Misquote more (They'll all buy it anyway)
Cite no source (They won't think to question you)
Flat out lie (All you children trust in you)
Delusion and gullibility (Denial and ignorance)
Are the cornerstones (Of your death cult)
I won't be a part of it
Track Name: The Alright Wall Of China
Fucking days of walking
Vandalized by assholes
I guess it's cool
But it serves no function
It's alright I guess
Track Name: What Do You Mean You Don't Like XsaladcrusherX?
The fuck did you just say you turd lickin' dork
Everybody likes my band, you're talking jive
Don't ever track this shit in my house again
I won't fight you or anything but I won't be your friend
Track Name: Crimson Waves Of Tomato Sauce
Gino's East has fallen
A once gleaming pizza beacon
Providing the peasants
With authentic Chicago style deep dish
We honor Gino's legacy of golden crusted
valleys and crimson waves of tomato sauce
Goddammit now I don't have a job
Track Name: Boohoo Crybaby Bullshit
Censoring speech
Suppressed ideas
One-sided thought
Pat on the back
Try to ban the guy from speaking
Cause you don't like what he's saying
I'll burn your petition
And eat the clipboard
Track Name: Total Destruction Of Children
Kids are the worst
Booger Monsters
Grinding kids into dust
Your children won't grow up
Don't procreate
Obnoxious needy fucks
I will bathe in their blood
Track Name: False Fun
People like to pretend that shit like vacations and holidays gatherings are fun or something, but you and I both know
Everyone's just doing it because they're like, "this is what normal, happy families do". They're full of shit.
It sucks and they know it.
Track Name: Fuck The Things I Don't Like And Anyone Who Enjoys Them
Your favorite bands are trash
Your taste in movies sucks
You like things that are stupid
How could anyone be into this stuff
I can only speculate
but it makes sense to me
That considering the things you like
You also must be stupid
I don't agree with your tastes
I think it's fair to dismiss you entirely
Track Name: Marco Cholo
Marco Cholo's El Camino
A badass ride, dropped way low
Bangin' whores and slammin' blow
Marco Polo was Italian
and went to China or something
Marco Cholo is Brazilian
and has never left Rio
Track Name: Gayle Laverne Grinds
Live by the couch
Repulsive creature never moved
Lying in waste, covered in food
die by the couch
Cells of flesh and fibers of couch
Interlace and become one
Gayle Laverne Grinds was a fat piece of trash
Literally merged with her couch
Marinating in her own shit
Couch woman fat smelly couch lady
Track Name: Depeche à la Mode
Depeche à la Mode
Is the name of this song
Taylor expects me to write
Lyrics for all of these songs
Fuck that I'm not doing it anymore
Clearly I can't write
lyrics related to the name
What the fuck would I say?
Make some shitty ice cream joke?
The song name is funny but
It doesn't leave much room for elaboration
Track Name: Ecclesiastes 1:10
All these bands sound the same
You've heard one you've heard them all
Nothing stands out, nothing's unique
Lots of blasting, then a groove
We're all the same fucking band
Don't pretend you're any better
This band fucking blows
Your band is just as bad